I keep thinking of subjects I should be blogging about on a weekly basis, things that really irritate me about American Christianity, or the church, or our current (rapidly degrading) sociopolitical economic situation, most lately illustrated by a bridge being stolen in Pennsylvania. Then I started reading a series of books for one of my classes about how the internet literally wires your brain to lose critical thinking skills. People can argue about the merits of this, but I took this as both a warning sign and an opportunity to do things like cook and clean in my new house. Or spend time with my fiance. Or exercise. All of which I'm enjoying.
But when it comes down to it, aside from being busy and intentionally making different choices, I'm going through one of my periodic interludes where I am hoarding energy and ideas, waiting for them to synthesize. Part of this has stemmed from reflection on a lot of materials I've been reading. Part of this has stemmed from my intentional focus on the people around me and my desire to be present with them. I almost hit the apotheosis moment the other day when I (yes, this sounds so young and arrogant) discovered the works and theology of Karl Barth, and understood that many of the things that have been itching the back of my head as being not-quite-right about Christian theology as I'd heard it could be seen from a different perspective. I have ordered his work on the Epistle to the Romans from the library and look forward to reading it.
My brain has changed a lot, for good and bad, in the last few years. It's taken a great deal of intensive therapy to shine light on and chase away the bloodsucking demons that have been feasting on my consciousness for years, even decades. I used to snap to judgment about something and spill out all my guts and rage about it immediately in the moment. Now, I've begun to burn through the white hot part quickly and wait to see if it is still burning. If it is, I strive to think about it more deeply. As such, I didn't immediately get on here and post about how Karl Barth's idea that the Word of God is not the Bible but Jesus Christ is THE COOLEST IDEA EVER (even if it's pretty darn close). I want to investigate that claim now, want to see its facets, want to see its flaws, before I assess it here.
I continue to hope that brain, my ever faithful if extremely flawed friend, continues to work for greater integration with healthiness, kindness, compassion, critical thinking, and love. That's my hope to give you as well, gentle readers.
Today, I want to talk about something that I've been considering since the time I was old enough to date: the way today's American Protestant Christianity treats marriage (and to some extent how it treats sex and women as well).
This topic leaves me feeling something between befuddlement and rage, most of the time. I am very confused about the ways in which Protestant forms of Christianity have put marriage on this very high pedestal, considering that they don't consider it a sacrament the way Catholicism does. I persist in being confused given that premarital sex rates and divorce rates among, say, evangelical people, who tend to be the loudest about these things, are as high as people who don't identify with this belief system. Not that we aren't all sinners. But why not be more gentle with people on this subject? Why not emphasize the importance of treating one another with respect and love? Why not emphasize the importance of not using one another, not using abusive and manipulative language and actions with one another? Why does it all have to revolve around the right people (only male and female) having sex only if they got a permission slip? Virginia Mollenkott writes that the teachings of the church on the subject of human sexuality lay heavy burdens on people while doing nothing to help them lift these burdens, which can include loneliness, fear, abuse, rape, sexual and domestic violence, closeted homosexuality, etc. I agree with her. If you're going to read a level-headed, compassionate book on Christian sexuality and ethics, Sensuous Spirituality is your best (and perhaps only) bet.
Moving forward, I see that many churches put a great deal of pressure on their members to marry. This may be direct, as the list of spiritually horrific practices at Stuff Christians Like denotes. It may be a lot more subtle; a lot of even small, liberal churches don't have ministries that are geared toward anyone who isn't married, doesn't have a child, or isn't a retiree. I've written with rage, probably here (my memory is bad these days), but also in my diary, about how the church doesn't know what to do with you and really doesn't value you as a woman unless you're married, preferably with multiple children to boost Sunday School numbers. All of these are considered to be outward signs of grace that are really outward signs of cultural acceptance. Single people are seen as occupying a liminal space these days, and if there's anything White Protestant American Church hates, it's people on the margins.
I'm not saying that marriage can't be holy. But when young Christians are being bombarded on all sides with messages about how sex is the worst thing ever until you get that magical permission slip when it's suddenly the best thing ever, all the while not being made to understand that their bodies and desires and feelings are NORMAL, all the while feeling the pressure to marry early or get a ring by spring to have sex and feel accepted in their communities, well...it's just not healthy to me. Choosing to spend the rest of your life with someone should depend on a number of things and a great deal of mature, sobering reflection. Not how much you want to get laid and how if you don't wait, everyone, from your mom to little Mrs. Davis to your pastor to the Little Baby Jesus Asleep On The Hay will be disappointed. Or how if you don't find the person by a certain time in your life (like before college graduation), you'll spend the rest of your life bitter and alone. Because all your life the church has made it clear to you that you have less value as a single person than as a married person. Especially if you're a woman, because having a baby is the unspoken gateway into true "Biblical" womanhood, and God help you if you have one without a marriage certificate.
This sits in the back of my head, along with all the other borderline sick things that Christianity tends to tell people, out of tradition or a desire to control, who knows, and it festers. It festers because it's unspoken and it's there. It festers because I've had these weird things thrown (or not thrown, perhaps stockpiled for later use) at me and people I know. It festers because I've known people who have been through it. And there HAS to be a better way for the church to treat all of us. The first thing it can do is stop treating marriage like some kind of beatified state and instead treat it like a human relationship that needs to be sanely, rationally, compassionately tended. The second thing it can do is minister to single people in a way that stops setting them apart. The third thing it can do is STOP this stupid wankery about sexuality. It's sickening to watch people suffer under it, and it's sickening to watch so much emphasis and rhetoric and money be wasted on holding together a broken dam when the dam doesn't need to be rebuilt; it needs a sturdy bridge. And can we instead start talking about, say, the fact that millions of children are going hungry in this country?
Next time, I want to talk about health care reform, aka PPACA. Not the politics of it. Just what's in it. Because I don't think anyone in this country except for maybe 3 people at the company I work for really know what's in it.
Cheers.
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